I have been in an emotional transition for about five years now, after largely seeing that I had been “starring” as a the sidekick in a lot of people’s stories. In theory, my efforts were supposed to be pouring into other people and me, but the way it eventually played out was me spending a lot of time, energy, and resources for people who were reluctant to do the same. Additionally, the one friend who was consistently helping me started having troubles of their own, and we saw less of each other for a while. At this point, I am once again in a vulnerable position, and I have been spending a lot of time avoiding my past and chasing resources. Why? Everyone needs people pouring back into them, and the faketivism and racial justice worlds have not been doing that within the dominant narrative.
One thing I am repeatedly seeing is the same people doing the same thing while watching others work. Instead of seeing their friends struggling and actually offering help that they can offer, there are a bunch of platitudes and toxic positivity which translates into them staying comfortable and avoiding vulnerability. There is nothing noble or generous about talk when people are going through trials. Talk is cheap. If corporations are still making millions of dollars and anticipating making more, then some of these people who are mindlessly spending money on themselves need to ask what they bring to the table if they offer the “shrug” emoji whenever anyone needs something substantive. All of the typical arenas of “doing the work”–meetings, protests, voting, calling congressional/municipal members, arguing with state government, ranting online–are not working. Why am I doing something that I just said would not work? Because as a Black woman I did work, in the heat and the rain, while working part-time and working full-time, having secure housing and being one step closer to homelessness, healthy, and sick and injured–and I still found (and find) myself vulnerable while people congratulated themselves for engaging with me. I am tired.
During one period of time, I had given everything I had to give, dealt with a death in the family, and was waiting for my full-time job to start, and the person who had received more than I was offered still wanted more, and harassed me constantly without remorse. People who were comfortable and had resources continued to demand that I expend more resources giving them emotional, and sometimes physical, labor. Otherwise, people scattered like roaches under a porch light when I found myself actually needing help and being vulnerable. This era has demonstrated a plague of people wanting givers to give more when the givers are already depleted. One reason that this website lacks a number of major projects other than a podcast is because I have had to spend more time desperately trying to acquire resources while having keep something going for the sake of my mental health. In the words of other content creators, people need to stop only consuming and start pouring into folks. That same individual who took my last dime also had the nerve to tell me that I should have figured out a way to give everything, deal with being displaced and moving two people twice in a week, and write without resting. Entitlement is going to be the death of all the givers.
Another thing I see is a lot of people standing around and hoping that things improve without them having to make any real changes. Waiting for everything to magically “work out” like a cliché is not “tough love.” It demonstrates someone lazily watching people’s lives disintegrate while staying comfortable. If anything is going to change during these stressful times, waaaaay more people are going to need to get over their addiction to convenience, and learn how to engage and help. Walking past everyone and “learning” before taking a single step are going to be seen as the cowardice they are. No, everyone is not going to keep chasing down people who cannot be bothered to lift a finger to do anything other than the status quo. If someone who had been struggling stops engaging, pick up the phone, offer something, and do better. Being a friend or an accomplice means that there is more than one person doing the heavy lifting, but being a selfish lump wears out everyone.
Chasing A Dying Empire 