I am confident that everyone has heard how people should stand by family, especially when the speakers have been past the age of 50. While traveling and at work, I have often been an audience to a wistful monologue about how communal family is or how family is the healthiest community to maintain. Most often, people decide to continue beating folks over their heads with “family” when they understand that dynamics are either dysfunctional or dangerous. These days, there are so many movements that are radicalizing how we view connections, and for once, those who are obsessed with tradition are being seen as the clowns they have become. Chosen families have become the answer to family dysfunction, placing personal autonomy above biology where it belongs.
No one can rationally argue that it is “biology” to allow adults to recklessly pursue children to the point of pedophilia, but those who do can be heard stating that simple biology encourages the pursuit of those who would be the most fertile. Listening to such arguments sounds insane, as it should, but for some reason, it is viewed as rational to tell everyone that biological relationships should trump the reality of such relationships. If one child is favored over the other, why would any clear-headed adult continue to compete with a distorted mindset? When “elders” cannot control their unrelenting criticism and ridicule, why should it matter if they are “aunties” or “uncles”? Biology is not a pass against accountability, and the only reason detachment is “trending” is because too many people enabled toxic behavior for no reason.
Worshipping biology is also quite costly, from long-term care to rejecting career decisions that would have entirely changed one’s outcome. It can be nostalgic to look back on “almost,” but after decades of accepting emotional manipulation in the form of “family,” it is cold comfort to “respect” others while having nothing to show for it. Traditional success is irrelevant, but it is significant to consider that choosing “family” can lead to one’s own downfall, and “triumph” after “failure” is not always guaranteed. Recovering from enmeshment can lead people to realize that they actually lacked a support system, especially when the connections required the playing of certain roles and behavioral characteristics. After all, there is no recovering from jobs at failing businesses or financial deprivation as one gets older.
Consequently, the web of enabling toxic behavior is starting to tear as people are recognizing that they have nothing to gain by pretending that “traditions” will lead to societal equilibrium. This year has already shown how problematic it is to worship those who created the situations that we are now recuperating from, and “resilience” for pain is not the flex that people previously thought it was. Family should be seen as support, not obligation, and if that support is primarily in one direction or sacrifices are expected of some but not others, one should evaluate if those connections are worth the maintenance. Furthermore, biology has been made to carry more weight than it every should have, and not having such a tie puts the onus on the individuals to maintain relationships, rather than a distorted and highly-propagandized expectation. People should stay in touch by choice, not because of “biology.”
Chasing A Dying Empire 