Two years ago, I went to the 20-year reunion after I graduated from Yale, and it felt like a completely different place. Yes, I was obviously older, but suddenly it stopped feeling like the “hallowed halls of learning,” and just started feeling like elitism. Maybe it was the fact that my career has not taken off, and there are so many people–especially Black women–like me who have graduated from “illustrious” universities only to be left in the cold, particularly now. I met with friends who I thoroughly enjoyed, but I was plagued by the gnawing sense that there was no true gift about graduating from this place that was worshipped by so many people.
First and foremost, everyone is insecure about Black women who graduate from competitive universities, and there is no hiding the excessive “prestige” of a university like Yale. When I got in, my entire high school gave me the cold shoulder except for one person, and I spent one of the loneliest summers of my life. People will not admit this, but most of the empire operates under the assumption that “niggers are dumb,” which is why any of us who follow through on this education are constantly attacked with “affirmative action” or now “DEI” accusations. Almost every single one of my classmates demanded that I affirm their assumption that they were smarter than I am, and they behaved accordingly ten years later at my high school reunion.
When I applied to Yale, I never went to the campus other than once with my parents (who were alumni), and I missed the information session for applications in 1998. The same day I got rejected from Brown, I was accepted to Yale–but I had just returned from a weekend at Washington University in St. Louis. I stayed with a Black student in St. Louis, won a scholarship, and I was working up the courage to ask them to go to Washington. My parents saw my Yale acceptance, and demanded that I attend because of the “prestige,” to which I reluctantly acquiesced. Ever since then, I have had coworkers, strangers, and even other Yalies harass me for it. Like an idiot, I finished, so I can never take it back and it follows me around like a stain rather than a banner of pride.
Even though I have said this before, it bears repeating: rich people do not talk to anyone who manages to “sneak” into their orbit, and they put several safeguards to make sure they maintain their gates. They are a very close-minded clique, and they do their best to avoid mingling, no matter what the dorm lottery is. People are not guaranteed high-paying jobs or power, no matter how many vapid hours or student activities we do. After graduating, any “networking” never seemed to mean anything other than my doing more in “hopes” of opportunities materializing. Dangling hope in front of people they have every intention of disappointing is the only reason why “elites” tolerate the presence of those they consider “lesser.”
I have only ever asked for one recommendation from Yale University, because I know that unless someone is a celebrated token, Yale only validates people who make it look good. Even then, I was rejected because despite coming up to that office at least three times a week and my sister graduating the year before, the administrator had “forgotten” me. It was then that I learned that Black people among the “elite” are the harshest gatekeepers, and as a poorer Black individual who was going to work full-time while getting a masters, I was just a “regular struggler,” not a “credit to the race.”
A good friend and I were talking about our experience after graduating, and we fully agreed that going to Yale had done very little for our careers. Rather, it had alienated us from the Black community without our being fully accepted within the dominant narrative. It made me think about all the Black scholars and tradespeople who had accomplished great things, but had gone to Black universities or independently learned. The world celebrates those who “got in” to places where nobody wanted Black people, but only to throw that “victory” back in the faces of those who are in distress.
I believe that it is high-time to stop bragging about “making it” to tables where no one wants Black people, and maintaining loyalty to places like Yale when they offer us very little. There are so many people who graduate and get nothing, but they are still caping for a university that charged them a lot of money for a pipe dream. Someone once made an extremely big deal about my graduating from Yale, and refused to end the relentless expectation that I go beg for a seat at a table that individual wanted to control. I finally stopped that individual by saying, “The only reason you think that school is good is because racist propaganda told you it’s a good school.” Loyalty should not be rewarded with disloyalty, and since I already finished my student loans, I owe that institution nothing more.
Chasing A Dying Empire 