During my time of over 20 years in Austin, I noticed something whenever I was in a period of transition after ending one part of my life and coming into a new one. I usually had started a new job or moved to a new neighborhood, so I would throw myself into one activity, usually work. Even though I would have hours of vacation and sick time, I would stay at work entirely too long, and make friends who also stayed at work too long, reinforcing my dedication to employers who could care less about my professional growth. My employers loved this, and started praising me in a way that made me uncomfortable in front of people with families and different educational backgrounds, deliberately isolating me at my jobs. One thing was clear: without healthy, stable relationships, there was only one relationship that got prioritized much more than it should have, and that was work.
I noticed that the relationships I made with work were more shallow, and based on my capacity to offer more of my time and energy, rather than a reciprocal exchange where both parties felt seen and heard. Meanwhile, the most satisfying relationships that I maintain are centered around personal growth and journeys, and our capacity to provide for each other in times of financial or emotional lack. Work is not a place where most people go to find meaning; we go to practice a craft and get paid, and without having a healthy balance, payment and that practice can take over our lives in a dangerous way. Almost no one is at work to receive emotional, or even professional, support.
At this time, I am completing a work contract that has encouraged me to work over 80 hours every week, and I am spending my time almost completely alone. My most cherished relationships are miles away, and I get up, meditate, and then spend the next 12-14 working in an often thankless enterprise. First, I left to a nearby city, then only the neighborhood, and I stopped being able to leave the property, and I was almost trapped in my room working all these hours. The only reason I have been able to manage dozens of hours a week is because I know this time is limited, and that this is not who I am, finally breaking the pedestal that work had been placed on for my survival. At the end of this, I will barely get enough to make all of this worth it.
People need to recognize that relationships centered only around what other people can do for us ultimately implode because one party finally realizes that engagements are extractive. Even though I had very little idea what I would do next, I realized that once two people had died at a previous job, there was nothing but a grind mentality waiting for me in the long term as long as I stayed in Austin, or even the United States. Relationships put work in perspective, making it impossible to think that there was anything more than a transaction taking place, which is why there are so many rich people trying to gaslight everyone into thinking we all need to work harder. Work in the empire is not a sacred endeavor, and we all need to stop punishing ourselves for not thinking we ever do enough. People need to stop telling folks to work harder when there is no reward, and the only people who benefit are those who were already stealing.
Chasing A Dying Empire 