As someone who grew up with a significant amount of socioeconomic privilege, I can honestly say that the world is different for those with resources. Because I grew up in a newly integrated school, I did find Black friends, but I was always surprised that they did not live the way I did, even though they had skills that I lacked. I had sleepovers in apartments that I loved because most of them had pools, and they were the outdoorsy Black girls who could go outside on a regular basis–after all, Austin has a lot of creeks and trails on both sides of I-35. However, when it came to field trips and extracurricular activities, I had to learn that everyone really lived differently, and just because someone wanted something did not guarantee that outcome.
Throughout my high school years, I saw a lot of cheating, and I was surprised that teachers let my classmates cheat when the whole point was working to get into college. I tried it once, my Black woman teacher told me to stop, and that was the last time. Many of my colleagues drank before I did even though I went to fancy events from a young age, and several of them were toking and having sex from junior high. See, they do not understand “can’t” because the world has always bent for them before, and even authority figures are conditioned to let the rich white children have their way since the school districts bend to white parents on the whole.
Also, privileged people try to do the socially acceptable thing at all times, whether or not it makes sense or offers equal opportunity for everyone involved. Even without cheating, they make As in biased education systems, and rarely look at anything outside their direct gaze because that is the goal of segregation: narrow views of reality. Privileged people also get promotions in toxic workplaces because for them, that is only the next A, and they advocate for no one and betray everyone; to them, that is part of doing a good job. Some will say that functioning in horrific situations is a mark of admiration, but I would challenge people to realize that the problem is that authority figures have to accept that behavior, and they choose who they accept, and take great pride in rejecting others.
Finally, I would say that the most stressful aspect of folks who retain privilege over a long period of time is that they always think they get another chance. Many of them cause irreparable harm, and when people try to explain how the harm has occurred, privileged people hide themselves in shame until the other person gives up and leaves. Such naivete wreaks havoc on the real world, but many privileged individuals believe that smiles, hugs, and “changes to perspectives” are all they need to survive–and that is what they tell others as well, even being insulated in resources and opportunities. When they stay disconnected from people who are having hard times, they believe that they will be able to show up when the coast is clear and those in distress are finally having good times, and pick up where they left off–and they are genuinely surprised when people have nothing to say to them.
Theoretically, there is nothing wrong with being privileged because we could all be lifting each other and sharing resources. Practically, privilege has become a bunch of hoarders keeping everything to themselves and rolling their eyes when people find ourselves in distress. I can honestly say that the only thing I miss about having resources is the discretionary income, because I could not rely on anyone, I was constantly gaslit into accepting less for the idea of more, and nobody ever saw their part when I discussed their emotional/social/professional failures, even with me. In the end, raising people to be comfortable makes them alienate everyone else who cannot live that way.
