Part of being kind is knowing when to understand that someone lacks the ability to change circumstances around them, and cannot manage the tension. Instead, there seems to be a demand for personal regulation so strong that people suppress the majority of their emotions–only for the expression to manifest as health problems. Emotional regulation matters, but part of that is understanding how to relieve emotional tension without causing harm to oneself or others. Anger management has nothing to do with never feeling angry, or forcing a false cheer to “fake it,” because if people fail to get angry about legitimate problems, those problems tend to remain.
No, all relationships are not built on the capacity to put up a facade for an associate or the masses, and in my opinion, the majority of divorces, familial estrangements, and friendship decline is based on the reality that too many people demand smiles. When the world is a dumpster fire and almost no one can stop struggling, people need folks that they can hold and be silent with, not constantly entertain. People need villages full of actual villagers, not fake morons who profess love while running away when someone is managing harm. Social consumption cannot be the basis for the majority of interactions in a world of wealth inequality, and people are going to need to develop some social intelligence.
Being angry that one cannot get a job–or that a job lied–is valid. Frustration at being forced to live precariously when all the rules were followed and someone waited patiently is reality. Telling everyone to never feel pain and to keep grinding through repetitive disappointment becomes cruel at some point. Managing anger means exploring healthy ways to not feel “fine,” not pretending that evil should not make people righteously angry.
Chasing A Dying Empire 