There has been one other week that I could not get three pieces out and I only got two. Please bear in mind that I have tons of drafts and a lot to say, much like many people around me. There has not been a week when I have not thought about many things to share, and I put together the pieces of the work that I wanted to publish. Of course, I will bear responsibility for intent vs. action, because even as a Black woman, I know my responsibilities. No, coming up with drafts on multiple platforms–I am also on Medium–is not the same as completion and publication.
However, when I mentioned failure earlier in this blog, that is the failure to which I refer. I cannot keep looking at what is happening in the world, especially to Black women, and continue to pretend that everything is normal. Hoarders are destroying everything about the world, and then telling us all to “be more responsible.” Racists and misogynists are destroying human interaction, and then telling everyone that “they are lonely.” That level of disconnect is nerve-wracking to endure, and unlike people playing to that insanity, I will not do it.
Instead, I have drastically changed my life, and although I do less, I feel more, and I am able to see when people are taking a great deal and offering very little. Rather than try to “prove my worth” to everyone around me, I evaluate based on initial engagement, and proceed accordingly. The dominant narrative taught everyone to give the world “the benefit of the doubt,” and that has not worked out well enough for plenty of people, and has burned out most people. I encourage people to look at what is in front of them, and continue to respond to the stimulus given, which is our biological imperative.
To that end, I will continue to write, continue doing my best to keep three pieces out a week, and not tell myself that I have a “wide and adoring public.” For my readers, this is what I can do at this point in time. The world draining out without pouring into is something that will have to change for more of the population. No one can continue to be an endless fount while telling ourselves, “Everything will work out.” We have to see proof, and in my past life, I saw very little evidence, so I am using my new life to stop trying to function on the waves of approval that very few people are offering.
