At one point in time, I had a great deal of older friends not because I could not manage people my age, but because I had been parentified for so long, I had an affinity with people who also dealt with that. My first marathon was after one of my good friends turned 60 and I turned 30, and I still appreciate the fact that I finished a marathon in $20 sneakers. For years, my older friends and I enjoyed conversations about life and everything that come with it, until one day, I realized that my life was not taking the same turns, and I mentioned it. Unfortunately, these same friends who were up for a good time failed to realize that they were taking the side of those who harmed me by encouraging me to internalize all my circumstances.
In a world filled with over 8 billion people, it is simply not possible to have a system that works for everyone in the same way, no matter how industrialized a nation may be. To believe so is to indulge an industrialized mindset that worked for a few people, but not for many, especially considering how much hidden violence was required. As elders, it becomes prudent to reevaluate what is actually happening rather than simply believe that things will always work in the same way forever. Just because a system made a life for some people–and it did for decades–does not mean it works, works for everyone, or works when the world changes.
Telling people to suck up mistreatment and abuse does not make elders “stoic,” “brave,” or “resilient.” Instead, it means that because people were getting enough money to survive and be comfortable, they let a lot of horrible behavior slide as long as they could endure it. This resulted in white collar work becoming a toxic wasteland of cliques and bullies, and blue collar work becoming a more aggressive version of the same. Being on the side of oppression helps oppress others, and no one can point to any example of anything else because none exists.
While healing a planet of distressed and downtrodden individuals, accepting that life is different for everyone is part of healing. If a younger person is attempting vulnerability and stating that some things are impossible to bear, elders are not helping anyone by spiritually bypassing reality. Trying to force people to accept things that will not work is stressful, meaning that if younger people approach with pain, that elder will be inflicting stress, not comfort, and eventually people will start avoiding that person.
A couple of days ago, I realized that trump embodies many poor decisions for many people in the empire, but not for the obvious reasons. All those older friends kept telling me that if I was unfailingly kind to people who never deserved it, eventually minds would change and I would begin to socioeconomically advance. Well, trump has been given every advantage, avoided struggle, and has surrounded himself by sycophants, and he has become even crueler. Participating in and/or enabling abuse is not a side of strength, but a side of cowardice, and the only way to move forward in this world is to stop giving to those who tear down and take away from others.
